Part One: Thinking and Writing
Three of my five pieces, Influence of Others, Sunny Summer Afternoon, and SCCTE Conference Demonstration Proposal stem from demonstrations that I presented or participated in at the UWP this summer. The other two pieces that I included on my BLOG Nature’s Wonder and Summer were influenced not only by nature but also from the writings of Carl Sandburg. I wrote these two pieces while visiting Connemara, the home which he occupied for his final twenty-two years of life. A place where his tranquil thoughts came alive.
In the piece Influence of Others, I learned describing my characters is vital in allowing my readers to relate to my piece of writing. Also, I learned adding emotion allows the reader to get an inside view of how I felt. Using Laurie McCall’s demonstration: The Movie Behind Your Eyelids, I tried closing my eyes and visualizing myself back in third grade. I wanted to put myself back in time to get the emotions to write this piece. My third grade teacher, Anne Linder, had such an impact on my life. Not only was she a great teacher that got me a year ahead in math, but she also helped me realize my life’s calling to become a teacher. As a teacher I hope that I make a difference in children’s lives each and every day.
In the poem Summer, I was trying to write in the same style as Carl Sandburg. I read a short picture book written by Carl Sandburg while sitting on a bench near his home staring into a large empty pasture. This is where I tried to write a poem using his style. Summer is one of my favorite times of year. It is a time for me to spend with my children and enjoy them with few other worries in my life. I can sit back and just enjoy being a mother.
In the SCCTE Conference Proposal, I used my abstract to help me try to explain the main goal of my demonstration. I tried to be very precise yet very descriptive. I have always wanted to present at a conference and the Upstate Writing Program showed me the steps to take in order to do this. I now know how to put my presentation together and how to write up my proposal in order to present. Now I feel ready to go.
In the poem Nature’s Wonder, I wanted to give a vivid description of a tree. I wanted people to see it from the viewpoint of the tree. I used Dawn Hawkins’ demonstration: Transforming Language to Poetry. I observed nature using my five senses and made a list of adjectives and verbs that described the tree. Then, I turned them into a poem. I love sitting outside, finding something in nature, and writing about it. I intend on making all of my students a sketch idea journals so that we can go outside to get ideas for writing about nature. This gave me such great ideas to use in the classroom.
In the short story Sunny Summer Afternoon, I took this from Natalie Rile’s demonstration: Using Play-Doh to Enhance Writing. After creating a scene with Play-doh in this demonstration, I decided to write a short story about it. This scene came from an image I had of my children practicing for some of their first t-ball and softball games this year. I will use this technique with my children this upcoming year to teach the parts of a story.
Part Two: Process and Revision
*All of my changes during the revision are in blue.
Influence of Others: Based on Kris Turner’s suggestion I decided to describe my teachers so that my readers could relate to them more easily. Also, I used Amy Brosemer’s suggestion on adding my emotions when tutoring the first graders and assisting when Mrs. Cashion had to take a phone call in the office.
Summer: Based on Kris Turner’s suggestion, I took out the is in the first two lines and made the lines more choppy.
SCCTE Conference Proposal: Shelby Witte suggested not using you and use participants instead. This made perfect sense, because it sounded much more professional. Kris Turner made a few suggestions on how to tweak my description of my proposal to make it sound a little crisper.
Nature’s Wonder: Sonya Burton suggested that I cut out the; however, I felt along with Brian Slusher that cutting out the can hurt your poem. Brian Slusher suggested to give images rather than telling so much in the last line so I decided to rework the last line completely.
Sunny Summer Afternoon: Claudia Swisher stated that I don’t tell as much as I do; however, I feel like I do. I feel that I need to concentrate only on the moment; therefore, I ignore her suggestion and stick with my story. Thanks any way Claudia.
Part Three: Learning From Your Classmates
Rebecca Smith: After reading her poem entitled Courage I learned how you can compare things to objects or people that you may have never thought of before. When I read her proposal for presenting at the SCCTE, it reminded me how important it is to be precise. I decided that I needed to go back and add a few more details in my own proposal before submitting it so I did it. From Rebecca I have learned the importance of detail and precise vocabulary.
Angie Neal: In her piece entitled Wishing Flowers, Angie seems to use her five senses to describe these flowers. I can visualize these flowers perfectly. After reading her short story entitled The Gift of Sunshine, I again saw her image perfectly in my mind. From Angie I learned the importance of showing and not telling.
Paige Eubanks: In her piece entitled Pursuing the Hunt, Paige’s use of imagery is incredible. I can visualize the little chipmunk trying to flee from the kitten trying to capture it. I can clearly see the kitten stalking his first prey as the mother kitten watches onward before assisting in the hunt.
